Fat experiences

Sorry for the long post but I felt context was necessary.

TLDR: Wife knows about my fetish and turn ons but idk how to live my truth while not causing her negative emotions.

Back in March, I (34M) opened up to my wife (34F) of seven years about being a FA with some feeder kinks. I explained what a FA was and told her I was sharing all this info with no expectations.

Since we met she’s always been overweight (5’5”, 190-200lbs) and she has done weight watchers on and off to little success. She did lose weight for our wedding and I cheered her on while doing so. I just want her to be happy in her skin regardless.

I finished talking and bottom line, she listened without interrupting, didn’t respond with judgment and thanked me for sharing. She didn’t run for the hills and the convo kind of died there. Since it was a lot of info, I didn’t press the issue.

Around early May, I decided to do a soft check-in to ask how that info was received and if she had any questions or googled anything afterwards. She said from what I told her that it all seemed self-explanatory so she didn’t look anything up. She didn’t seem interested in talking more so I dropped it.

Last week the topic of turn ons came up organically. I asked if she’d feel comfortable with me sending her some of mine and she agreed so I gave her a list of vanilla ones and soft kink-related ones. She said she’d keep them in mind. I reiterated that I never want her to be in an uncomfortable space just for my benefit so this was more info for her to do or do nothing with as she saw fit.

One of my turn ons that I listed was tight jeans or leggings that emphasize one’s round figure (I’m thinking specifically of her cute belly but I didn’t say that) and/or wearing clothes a size too small to really get flirty.


This morning she came out into the living room to the laundry pile to look for a top. I noticed that her work pants were zipped but she couldn’t do the top button. Ive suspected she’s gained some weight recently but had no way of knowing. The waistband she used to wear over her belly button now sits below her navel and the hasp can’t close!

Needless to say I was in awe but I still don’t know if saying something like “The way those jeans hug your figure really drives me crazy” would elicit a positive/negative reaction. Since telling her some of my turn ons I feel like she’s *maybe* doing a few on purpose but I can’t 100% tell. I don’t want to say something dumb like “Are you wearing those tight jeans for my benefit” if that’s not the case and then cause her to feel self-conscious.

I’m struggling to figure out how openly I can live with this while being respectful that she might not and might never see her body the way I do so I don’t want to be a source of body issues.

I guess I can always keep my compliments vague but then it feels like I’m going back to hiding a part of myself.

You are too wrapped up in your own head. This low key reminds me of those dramas where the two protagonists monologue in their heads while the audience screams "talk to each other".

She knows you like tight pants. Either she did this to turn you on or she didn't but she knows you are into it either way. If you are worried about offending her, say something like "I really liked the way you looked in your work pants the other day. Would you mind wearing them for me?"

This way you state your interests plainly without making her feel self-conscious.

Don't be coy. Don't be vague. She's your wife, not a mind reader. Be clear, but make sure she knows she has the final say.

Or let your actions speak for you.

In a situation like that get up and wrap your arms around her, maybe running them up and down her figure, possibly making appreciative noises. That says totally clearly that you liked what you saw and wanted to enjoy being turned on by it.

If you want to take it a bit farther, maybe murmur "I love this outfit" (clearly joking because she isn't all dressed, but emphasizing how you like to see her not all dressed, but also implicitly saying that you like how her jeans look on her). But the key there is combining the words with the touch and hug because your actions are screaming how turned on by her you are